Cure-all

Don't ever let anyone tell you there aren't at least a few go-to cure-alls in this world for a long week.

But I'll back up a little. I'm still getting used to balancing a new pass time in my life, you see. It's school, of course. And learning to make room for learning is an interesting transition. I anticipated this, or as much as I could anyway, but what I didn't know was how much I'd enjoy it. Through all the years I wanted to go back to school, I waited for it to feel right. I resisted the idea of going back for something I "should" do and waited until I figured out what I wanted to do. And now that I'm doing it, I'm into it and it's great.

The tough part, when you're making room for the books and the reading and the homework is that nothing else goes away. The dog still needs to be walked, the floor still needs to be cleaned and that project at work, you know, the one that pays? Well, there's a deadline. Oh, and have I mentioned the half marathon I'm registered for next weekend? No? I haven't? Well there's that, too. Which means making time for running. And if you were running as slowly as am right now, you'd know just how much time that's taking.

All of this sort of came together last week. I was all the sudden pulling the balancing act again and though you know me too well to know this was not a unique situation, I still managed to claim that it sneaked up on me. Sometimes I think that's why we're all here, for me to play mind games with myself and you to put me in check with a comment that says hello, liar, YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME.

Speaking of comments, thanks for all of yours on the 'butterflies and fireworks' post. Though I did receive one choice email from Patty, a nineteen-year-old college student from Atlanta, I really appreciated all the insights. You people are really remarkable. (But FYI: Do not ever, ever tell a nineteen-year-old Southern girl there is no such thing as an effortless relationship. She will disagree. And she has seven (seven!) paragraphs to tell you why.) The more I think about it, the more the idea of soul mates and timing really go hand in hand, don't you think? Several of you commented that you believed people came into our lives, all people, at certain times for certain reasons. I couldn't agree more. I have friends I've met, it seems, at just the right time in my life and for all the right reasons. These people, I have no doubt, are some kind of "soul" person, if you will.

So do you see all this thinking going on? This is the sort of thing adding to the full plate. And yeah, OF COURSE I know we all have this. I'm just saying, it got a little rough last week. By Friday, I was ready for a cold one all the while knowing I had zero energy to stay awake long enough to drink it. I thought this was going to be my cure-all.

But lo, it was not meant to be. Instead, I got a last minute invite from a friend with a spare ticket to a concert. So I cancelled everything I'd planned for the evening (read: decided cleaning the toilet could wait another day) and met up with my friend. For a few minutes I was thinking, gee, does this make me a loser? The fact that I have nothing happening on a Friday night and can just say 'yes' to plans at the drop of a hat? I'm now Extra Ticket Girl. Nice. But then the music started and I knew that was definitely not a loser, I was lucky.

And there you have a cure-all. Live music, any live music (well, almost), just makes all my worries and stress go away for a little while. I take a deep breath, look around and for a while, everything is a little lighter.

We may also have done the Footloose dance in the aisle. So I guess that makes two cure-alls.

Geekage

I work with a lot of smart people. I also happen to know a lot of smart people. This is not bragging about all the smart around me but more so to convey that I, often self-proclaimed "decently smart" (yes, I know that isn't helping me here) am not often The Smart One in the room. I can be one of the smart ones, and sure we all have our little pieces of intelligence we know better than anyone but overall, not so much.

This also goes for my geek qualities. You see, I will openly and often admit to my dorkdom. This is usually done by knowing something ridiculous like what song John Denver sang to close his show at Red Rocks in 1975 or by dancing in the car. Sometimes, I'll get a little to excited about my dorkdom and call it "being a nerd." This, however, is not good because a dork is not a nerd. A nerd is more like a geek, and I am not. I think geek implies some form of extra special intelligence and as we all now know, I merely have my moments rather than full-on genius.

It's okay, I'm happy with this. Really, I am. (No, Mom, seriously I AM.) For one, it allows me to have a respectable social life and two, I do not live in a basement nor do I forget to shower. Well, mostly. And we also all know that is the line crossing from Nice Intelligent Geek to the holy-crap(s)he-is-forty-two-and-has-(s)he-ever-even-been-on-a-date Geek.

I share all of this for a couple of reasons. First, here's a little secret: I have geekly aspirations. Honestly, I do. The little bits of geeky stuff I learn every day just make me want to learn more. So, I have done that a little. And while I won't bore you with what I've learned at work let me just tell you that yesterday I officially learned how to repair something with code by "going through the back door." And while you either a) don't see the big deal or b) are thinking of all the crazy google hits that are going to end up here now, let me tell you, it was kind of fun. Because this makes me more computer geeky, which is a good thing.

I know I talk about career aspirations and how the work I do now is not the work I want to do forever but I'm all for learning. I'm all for moving up on my own version of the geekery ladder. And let me just say, it's pretty cool. There are all kinds of geekery ladders I'd like to climb in my lifetime, but if the difference between moving forward and not is either using what you already have or sitting and waiting, I'm glad to be using it. Pretty geeky, eh?

So thanks for getting through that. It feels good to maybe not be a geek but at least talk about my geek wishes and hopefully, someday very soon, share the fruits of my geekage with you, right here. Or some place like it.

And a good day to you, sir

"Do I have time to get some coffee before this meeting?"

"The coffee machine is gone."

"What?"

"Why do you care? You don't even drink coffee."

"I do today, brother, I do today."

You know when you, a 27-year-old woman, start calling your coworkers 'brother' that it's an off day.

And today was a textbook off day. The kind of day where you feel like everyone is looking at you like you've forgotten to wear pants. But they're too nice to say anything so they just stare and think "thank God that's not me without pants." I was so off most the day that all thoughts popping into my head about what I need to write about and how it ought to just start spilling out but isn't were superseded by the thought that maybe I really had forgotten to wear pants.
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So, instead of agonize over writing and thought organization and trying to come up with something with purpose or intent, I will just post some photos and call it good.

Little Pink Houses

Last week tried to beat me up somethin' good. There were break ups, office dramatics, sick friends, bad news, worse news and a dog that was just ADR (that's an abbreviation for a technical term commonly used in the veterinary medicine world which means "ain't doin' right." No really, it is). And that was just within my little space of the planet.

Rather than bore myself and nearly a dozen others with my stories of woe, however, I'd rather take you on a walk through Spring.

Growing up, I was the kid that always drew pictures of my house. Some days, it looked Victorian, some days very modern and some days it was clear I was going to grow up and move into Barbie's Dream House. As time passed, I stopped drawing pictures and just started going around town and picking out my house. There was always this wonderful neighborhood with houses no one I knew could afford that I'd go back and visit time and again. It was obvious, though, that this 'hood and money and the money was old.


A couple days ago, while walking with a friend, we came upon these streets again. This time, though, it wasn't the beautiful homes that took my attention but rather, the way each of them was surrounded by Spring.

Picket fences are always that much better with tulips.

Lots and lots of tulips.

And daffodils.

(That's what these are, right?)

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And something else cute that probably has a fairy tale name that I don't know but it sure was fun to play with the image in Photoshop.

Though I drew houses as a kid, I never was one of those girls that got into the whole planning of my future wedding business. While I'll leave that whole story for another day, I will say that aren't these the most gorgeous flowers and wouldn't they be great at a wedding?

And more tulips, which I never tire of seeing.

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Lest you think this neighborhood is all full of beauty and perfection with pink houses and little Pollyanna families filling each and every one of them, I give you a warning sign:

Truth is, I'd put this in my yard in a second.

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The other day, I mentioned having some homemade rum which several of you asked about. I find it both exciting and a little frightening that I received more emails on this than almost anything else, ever. I'm sorry to report that though I enjoyed it, I really have no further detail. I know there's molasses, sugar, brown sugar and water involved. Then, fermentation. Then, running it through a still (which, as I found out today, is not sold at Home Depot. I think that is a rip because what would a still be considered if not home improvement?), maybe more than once. I'm not entirely sure.

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Then, I guess you just bottle it so that you may randomly place it on the desks of coworkers on a Wednesday morning. Which, by the way, would normally be just fine but to do it in a week when office stress is at an all-time high, giving someone liquor that they cannot open or consume at work (or probably have on the premises, come to think of it) is just mean. It did motivate me to call some friends over for "emergency rum tasting" though, and that's never a bad thing.

I Love Other People

Yesterday gave me a lot of reasons to remember that. It's getting to that busy time again where no one has any free time. We're all gearing up for work projects, volunteer projects, Spring Break, Summer vacations, races, Grandma's birthday, warm weather... you name it, we're all busy and I know you all understand. You're there, too.

For me, it's that on-the-fence time when you're thankful to have a _______ (insert words such as: job, life, circle of friends, good community, legs to run on, etc.) but you're also seeing those free days of the beginning of the year fade away.

Work is like that for me right now. I've taken on the lead of a project along with contributing to another Super Huge project and my entire group is in a learning phase. I suppose it's the nature of this beast called software but one day I'd like to walk into the office and know exactly what's going to happen, just to see what that would feel like. The thing is, I work with some awesome people who are very different than any group I've worked with before. They are generous with information and knowledge, have a great sense of humor and are just good people. I don't have to tell you how rare this is but I'm going to; a group like mine is extremely rare. Which is why, even yesterday when I thought my head would explode with the thought of more on my plate than there already is, I am drop-to-your-knees thankful to work with good people. Long story short[er]: I got help, I know what I'm doing now, I love people. Should I ever come into very large sums of money, I'll find a way to share some with them.

I also work with some pretty great people in the non-profit world. Always being one to think "my boring cubicle world does not define me, oh no!" I feel the need to be involved in other causes. And, truth be told, it's where I'm happy. It's the right place for me, giving my time to something that needs it, under the radar. It's like having a job where whatever you do is great. It's mutually beneficial, even if you make an effort to be selfless, you're going to get something out of it. And, everyone loves a volunteer, right? Well, this volunteer loves everyone she gets to work with and is only about 50% sad that she had to miss Eric Clapton last night due to an already scheduled event. Cliche as it sounds, the faces on those we benefited were worth a thousand riffs. Sorry, Eric, I love people.

Last but never least, I think other bloggers are really cool. I love that your insight on things that get trapped in the "bubble" that is my own world can make me see something differently, and often, more simply than I can on my own. I find it pretty amazing that there's a way to say "hey, here's what I'm doing instead of Christmas gifts" because honestly, I didn't think of that. I find it super cool that there's so little caffeine in Chai tea! I find myself feeling happy to have someone that comments "you are so on top of your world." That statement rocks, even if it's not always how I feel. And I have to say, I'm beyond shocked that there are people who don't know who George Strait is. Once again, this is me realizing the bubble effect in this world. Wow, and thanks for all the comments yesterday and always. I hope those of you not enjoying warm weather right now get to very, very soon. It does wonders.

Time for Something

Sitting back at work for the second day in a row with a box of bricks for a head, I'm sort of realizing it's getting near time for a change. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm sick, frustrated that I can't think clearly and have watched one too many beach breaks, but something just feels off. Of course, it also could be the fact that nothing smells good, tastes good or sounds good right now, either. You could put a bacon cheeseburger buffet (four out of five of my favorite things) in front of me right now and I'd be only mildly impressed.

I've been accused before of being a planner- always thinking about and plotting the next step before the current one is complete. Right now, though, I'm less in the mood to plan and more in the mood to do. No doubt I will be just as anal as ever about it, but that feeling of accomplishment might actually push me a little further than just thinking about it. Imagine that.

The little "business" a friend and I sort of started a couple months back is just that: little. It's a fun hobby that brings in extra cash but I feel now just as I did soon after we started, it's not going to be the main event. But maybe that's it, maybe there is no one "main" event. The common thread in anything I have done, do, or will do is ME. So somehow, I need to get a handle on that. I know what I want to do, and what I'd like to do, but can I do it? Can I keep the wheels turning? Can I take steps I've never taken before?

The short answer, I think, is yes. But not because stars are aligned (though that would help) or magic is happening (also helpful) but because I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to do the work. It's different now, at least I hope it is. I think my expectations are real, and my heart is in it. Sure, I'd still like to go back to school or fill my time with doing crafty-type things (as several of my blog readers and I have shared with one another in the past) but now, I want to concentrate on a real shift. A real move toward something different.*

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*I don't actually plan on physically moving at all. For now.

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Housekeeping:

Help me, please. If you fancy yourself at all a smarty or blog superstar, I could really use some info. I will repay in cookies- promise.

Did anyone, when switching from old to new blogger have issues with their sitemeter or statcounter? Where did you put the code in the new format? Am I missing something or am I just slow? 'Cause it ain't workin' for me.
Thank you, thank you.

Wednesday Night Randomness

I had about twenty-nine different reasons to make it to the gym this afternoon (one being that I skipped out yesterday because, funny, on Monday I pretended I was some kind of superstar and went to the gym at lunch AND after work and come Tuesday, I was feeling like something a cat dragged in. And not just any cat, but like a huge, giant, violent, predator-type cat). However, all those twenty-nine reasons weren't nearly as good as the invite of After-Work Happy Hour.

First, to those who have any idea what I do for a living, I'm sure hundreds (okay, tens) of thoughts are going through your head right now starting with "wait, computer people know what happy hour is?" Yes, apparently they do. And apparently, I'm also part of that crowd, even though I claim to forget absolutely anything technical or even half-way knowledgeable when I walk out the door. It's like a force or something!

Still, it was a happy hour invite and I could have been all "no thanks, I'm going to the gym to concentrate on breaking the Rotation Speed Record for an elliptical machine" but instead, I accepted. It was loads of fun, too. The best part was, I was home in time to catch a good chunk of American Idol.

I know, I know.

That show, though, always makes me thankful for my family and their honesty. Seriously, I have been a singer all my life but a) not once did anyone tell me I could sing when I dang well can't and b) they taught me to embrace my other, better "qualities" and save the singing for others who don't need a wheelbarrow, okay, dump truck to carry a tune.

We sort of pride ourselves on that honesty, brutal as it may necessarily be. Like a night a couple weeks ago, while having dinner with my aunt, uncle and teen aged cousins, we started laughing at some of our little "quirks," you might say. Five or ten minutes in, my aunt, uncle and I were beside ourselves laughing at some of our family's funny habits, like talking over one another, involuntarily calling each other by the wrong name (and you thought that was just for grandmothers) and going outside without pants on. Okay, I am joking about that last one. Mostly. Eventually, we even got my older cousin laughing and soon, it was the four of us laughing and the seventeen-year-old staring at all of us like he'd been kidnapped by the gorilla family at the zoo; we were both interesting enough to watch and frightening enough to keep a safe distance.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him staring. He then informed us that we were acting "like a bunch of rednecks who never set foot in a classroom." I think he believes there's some rule that says if you go to college, you can't laugh at your family's lack of outerwear. According to him, the family has some history in business and success and therefore we all qualify as some sort of white collar, non-fart joke making, geniuses who have a history to live up to.

He's right, really because I believe it was those very grandfathers that were instrumental in turning what was once just industry terminology into household words. Most important, of course, being happy hour and plumber's crack.

Guarantees

This past weekend, I purchased a lot of airline tickets. It just so happened that I found good prices for all the places I need, err, want to go over the next six months. After dropping that amount of money in a matter of minutes, I was feeling a little guilty. A little, uhhh, financially irresponsible.

I reasoned that the savings was something that a) I worked very hard for and b) would replenish soon with a tax return and by minding my budget. Heh, well, mostly minding it anyway. Still, I wasn't feeling great. I mean, what kind of person goes and schedules not one, not two, but THREE coastal/beach vacations within the first six months of the year? Obviously, this kind of person.

After giving my chunk of change to the airline industry, I wrestled for the remainder of the weekend back and forth over what I’d done. No, I couldn’t take it back but that doesn’t mean I could allow myself to feel completely good about it. This is what you save for. But the money could go somewhere else. You do share your money. And you share your time. You’re young, you need to have fun. You’re young, you need to plan. Don't worry, you have travel insurance. And you have a retirement account, several. And mutual funds, don’t forget the mutual funds! But maybe you could have helped someone else out. This is what it’s like to live in my head.

Then, I came into work Tuesday and opened an email that read something like this:

It is with great sadness that I inform you of the passing of one of our fellow employees. Mary Jones died Saturday at her home. Mary worked for our organization for over twenty-five years and had recently retired on November 30, 2006. Funeral service and donation information to follow as soon as it becomes available.

Over twenty-five years. Retired six weeks. She wasn’t sick. Children, grandchildren. Travel plans with her husband. Plans to sit back and really enjoy life. I heard all this from other employees, employees closer to Mary than I. And now, there was nothing. She’s gone, there are no plans.

I’m often unsure of what there is to learn from death. I struggle so much with making any sense of it at all. Faith and logic only go so far, when someone’s six weeks into retirement, “the best time of life,” and it’s all gone in an instant. How can you make sense of that, sense of no guarantees? Is there anything to learn?

I have a hard time really knowing the answer to those questions. I probably always will. But little by little, and each unfortunate time I have to be reminded, I think I might know a little more. I might be a little closer to the answer. And yesterday, when I sat back down at my desk and thought about the dramatic depletion of my money over the past weekend, I didn’t feel that guilt anymore.

While I know that saving and planning for my future is important and a priority, it’s not the only priority. We also have to plan for right now. We have to allow ourselves to live right now and take advantage of those opportunities that may deplete our bank account, but will also fill our lives. Fill our souls, even, if we let it. That, I think, might be the only guarantee there really is.

Not that you wanted to go anywhere, anyway

It may be difficult to see in this picture, but I am freaking buried in snow. That's the "view" out of my patio door and if you look closely, you can see the top edge of the drift just before the railing. I'm taking the photo from above, so you can sort of see the drift comes about a third of the way up the door.

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In other words: it was dang snowy and windy for a dang long time.

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Thankfully, the job decided it wasn't safe for everyone to come in today... I won't talk about how it took them the entirety of the "delayed start" to decide this because that would just be silly. The important part is, I'm at home and I get to wrap presents all day.

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I'm happy to get this finished now because inevitably, I've forgotten to get someone something and now I'll have a couple more days to get my act together. Yes, I've had lists -come on, who do you think I am?- but there's just always that one little gift you forget.

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I'm also a little upset with Amazon as the CD box sets I've ordered for my grandma aren't here yet and they were ordered over two weeks ago. Don't make me hate you, Amazon, just. don't. do it.

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The snow is probably going to throw a wrench in my plan for running this weekend, too. Following doctor's orders I've taken the last two weeks off from any running, so I was hoping to get my first run in this Saturday and, if that went well, I'd then be able to do my "traditional" Christmas morning run. Last year, I was able to run on Christmas day in shorts- it was sixty degrees (F). I'm guessing this year is going to be a little less pleasant.

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Though I haven't been running, I can't say I feel entirely lazy. I'm glad to have taken the time off and though I thought it would be horrible at first, I now realize the purpose of rest after a marathon: to heal all the little stuff and realize what really hurts. Heh. Really, though, I've been strength training and stretching which are two things I neglected in the past six months.

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Also, and I feel a little silly admitting this, but the Three-in-Three challenge (Nicole's idea that I invited myself to join in on) is going well. Better than expected, actually, as I've lost six pounds so far. I contribute this partly to not wanting any of the billion cookies I baked and also to finally taking the time to get to all the things I'd put off before the marathon.

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I also have gone back to the Three and Three eating habit that my trainer put me on years back (the fact that this is also a "three" thing is strictly coincidence, I promise). You eat only every three hours and not three hours before you go to bed. It's really quite easy. It allows me to plan ahead (which I believe is THE key to healthy eating) and I'm never really hungry. If I eat at 6:00 a.m. and am hungry at 8:00 a.m., I know I only have to wait another hour before I eat again. It's not torture to me and often, I forget about the schedule altogether. Another good tip is to make sure every meal or snack contains protein. Also, if you're going to include a lot of breads or crackers or something, do it before noon. I don't know why, though I'm sure there's a science to it somewhere, but this makes a huge difference.

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This also helps in getting my head together. I feel a little more successful and a little less "stuck." Life wise, anyway. I'm still stuck in the snow.

AFTER

I've started using the excuse of "oh I'll do that AFTER the marathon" or "I can't think about that until AFTER the marathon." Right now, I just want to pack, eat well, sleep well and check of everything on the ten checklists, ten times.

I've traveled to races before, I don't really know why I feel unprepared. I mean, I have checklists!

Situations in which I've used the race as an excuse to put something off:

Finishing my Christmas shopping.

Decorating for Christmas.

Getting a hair cut.

Going through the mail.

Any laundry that does not involve clothes for the trip (you should see my wardrobe this week, lookin' pretty hot!)

Writing Christmas cards.

Starting my end of year tasks at work.

And I'm sure, much more.


However, I have found time to book my villa.




Priorities.

Because after this week's craziness is over, I'd like something to look forward to.

As If I Needed a Reason to Make Travel Plans

Coworker 1: When I travel, I have to worry about what my husband wants to do. Sometimes it gets really irritating. And we always have to discuss how the money's being spent.

Coworker 2: Well, I don't have to worry about what my husband wants to do, but I have the kids and they take all the money anyway, so we don't get to do much.

Me: ...

Coworker 1: You, you don't have to worry about either, do you?

Me: No, I don't.

Coworker 2: You get to do everything you want without worrying about your husband, your kids or money. What is that like?

Me: It's pretty great, I guess.

Coworker 1: You need to travel even more than you already do. Take advantage.

Me: I agree.

Coworker 1: Yeah, now, while you don't have to worry about any of the three!

Coworker 2: Yeah, now, while you have the dream trip trifecta!