Monday, October 02, 2006

Grandma on Relationships

My grandma is cool. I wouldn't hesitate to say, no hard feelings, but she's cooler than any other grandma ever. She just is. She's 80 and she tells it like it is.

Sometimes we have IM conversations.


Me: Hi Gram, how are you?

Grandma: Hi my sweetie!!!!!!!

Grandma: I am doing well. At least fair to midland.

Me: That's good.

Grandma: How are you?

Me: I'm fine. A little tired from my run today.

Grandma: Well you should come over and I'll give you some soup and then you can take a nap.
Me: I wish I had time for that. You do have the best couch for a nap though.

Grandma: Are you having trouble sleeping?

Me: Not really. I try to catch up during meetings at work. Haha.

Grandma: Really?

Me: No. But I wonder if I could sleep with my eyes open like I used to in college.

Grandma: Just practice, you'll get it. I haven't tried in a while.

Me: Since when do you sleep with your eyes open?

Grandma: I was married, you know.

Me: Hahahaha. Is that the secret to a happy marriage?

Grandma: It's the secret to staying out of jail.

Me: ....

Grandma: So you had a good run today?

Me: Yeah, I guess. I ran part of it with a boy.

Grandma: A boy. Who is this boy? And why wasn't this the first thing you told me?

Me: A boy I met while running. And I don't know the answer to your other question.

Grandma: Well what's this boy's story?

Me: He's my age, runs, and only stayed with me for half the run.

Grandma: Why?

Me: He said his mileage wasn't up to what mine was. It makes sense.

Grandma: No, it doesn't. If he likes you he should run 100 miles.

Me: We just met Grandma. It's okay.

Grandma: No it is not. He should run 1,000 miles. Like that song says.

Me: That song says "walk 1,000 miles."

Grandma: Don't change the subject.

Me: It's really okay Grandma. He asked for my number and promised me a slower-paced meeting next time.

Grandma: Well he'd better pay for dinner.

Me: Yes, okay.

Grandma: And he'd better not make you fall asleep, either.

Me: I hope not.

Grandma: That's actually a good test for any date, come to think of it.

Me: What do you mean?

Grandma: The person should not bore you.

Me: Yeah, I guess. But what about that whole thing you said about sleeping with your eyes open?

Grandma: Oh, that's a different story.

Me: How?

Grandma: When you get past the nice part of the first year or two, then you have to start ignoring the boring moments and just sleep with your eyes open so the other person feels like you're listening but you're not.

Me: What are you doing instead?

Grandma: Whatever you want to do. Think. Dream. Sleep.

Me: But don't you want to listen?

Grandma: You'd be surprised how little you need to listen to your spouse after the first couple years.

Me: So maybe he's stopped listening to you , too?

Grandma: See, that's your mistake.

Me: What?

Grandma: He never started.

11 comments:

Bre said...

First, your Gram IMs better than some of my old college roomates. Second, she's one of the coolest ladies around. Third... Why didn't you lead with the boy?!

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog here, not completely randomly but quite. It's cool that you get to talk to your grandma on IM and she gets to be a part of your life like that. You get to benefit from her wisdom (or cheekiness)-I'm not sure which it would be.

skinnylittleblonde said...

I love it!
Wisdom...I know you value all of her words! She is indeed a most cool gramma!
Mine was awesome too & I have to admit, she is in a number of blogs ;)

They are such special people!

craig said...

Your grand mother is a scream. Thanks for making my day.

GirlGoyle said...

Your grams is a hoot! She's quite insightful. You should get her to write a book!

Anonymous said...

He never started....Hahahaha

justrun said...

Bre- She was a secretary for many years. She makes me want to be a better typer. :) I don't know why I didn't lead with the boy. Maybe I'm not that excited about it.

bcmatt- Thanks for stopping in. How did you get here?

skinny- They are special. I'm so glad I can learn from her.

Craig- It's not hard to make a day with grandma, you know?

GG- I should. She still talks about having a blog.

RGF- Hahaha, indeed. :)

Sizzle said...

your grandma IS so cool. most of the grandmas i know don't even own computers! if she is right about marriage, then i am definitely not getting hitched. :)

justacoolcat said...

Not only is your Grandma hilarious, but she's technically savvy.

I agree, she's the coolest.

Josh said...

This is the funniest thing I have seen all week! Thanks!

Danielle said...

Oh my, that is so cool that your grandma IMs...I wish my grandma had a computer that I could just e-mail to her!!