Monday, August 07, 2006

Shoulda? Yeah. Coulda? Yeah. Woulda? Nah.

I should be doing something else right now.

I should be watering the flowers.

I should be cleaning the bathtub.

I should be returning emails and voice mails from family and friends that probably think I've up and run, again.

I should be stretching and doing some yoga.

I should be working on the report I have due later this week.

I should be contemplating school.

I should be researching the next article I have due, though I have three weeks.

I should be playing with my dog who, as I type, is mysteriously quiet.

I should be planning my sister's visit.

I should be downloading photos and categorizing them to print.

I should be taking a walk, though it would be the third of the day because that's my new "thing."

I should be doing so much.

But I can't. I can't pull it together today. I can't organize. I can't process. I can't think.

My mind can't settle, my brain can't slow down. I want to be in bed, but I'm not tired. No, I want to be at work- there is sure a lot to do there. I want to be with my sister. Wait, she is coming here. I want to be at Ivan's. Soon enough. I want to be at a party. But you just did that last weekend.

There's just too much today. Too many tasks. Too many people. Too many "shouldas" and too many "wannas." I don't want to think about any of it and I don't want to do any of it. I just want to jump forward to tomorrow when everything will look different. Not better, not worse, just different.

Deal?

9 comments:

Bre said...

That's very similar to the funk I was in yesterday! I didn't want to do anything productive... only to fuss around on travel websites and attempt to plan a vacation.

I think it's perfectly OK to write off today if your shouldas would only make you miserable - what's the use of being miserable?!

Runner Girl FL said...

I have racing brain too....Yet I can't get off the couch to do anything because there is too much of everything!!

It must be the time of year. Lazy summer has caught up with us and fall is the build up to a busy winter. (Not to mention teaching makes my fall crazy too.)

sam said...

Did you give up having a drink? That usually works well in that situation.

Ginger Breadman said...

Thanks for the honesty in your post - it's refreshing. Hang in there - it's no fun to feel that way, but it happens sometimes. You could analyze it to death, or you can just accept it. Life moves on day to day. You just have the grab the rope and hang on sometimes, even if you have to go over bumps. I hope you're feeling a little bit more motivated on a new day. Take your time.

Sizzle said...

that's like me 4 days out of 7. :)

justacoolcat said...

Am I freak? I actually embrace days like that. I feel like I'm on the go all the time, so when I finally get to a point where I want to just do nothing. I kind of like it. Damn the torpedos.

justrun said...

Bre- Ah yes, that is my cure-all. :-)


RGF- Maybe that's it- I just need a little more summer.

Sam- As much as I enjoy a good drink, I know well that it's not the clarity I'm looking for.

Sizz- We are never alone in our funks, are we?

JACC- Are you a freak? Possibly. But likely no more than me or anyone I know.
The only way I can embrace doing nothing is when there's actually nothing to do. Or when I'm miles away.

Neil said...

Sounds like most of us, most of the time.

backofpack said...

Yep, I have days like that. I put it all off and eventually it gets done anyway. Like right now, I should be grading papers. I made a deal with myself, grade two, go have coffee with my friend. Now I should make a deal to get off the computer and grade two more. But here I am!