Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Hi, I walk. And think.

I feel a little silly. Here I've been sitting and wondering why I can't get things organized in my head lately and today, on my long, long walk it occurred to me that I just haven't been giving myself enough time to clear my head. Usually, it's I run, therefore I think. Now, I'm not running, therefore, I'm not thinking.

Sort of.

As the knee has yet to handle anything more than fast-paced walk (very, very fast. If you saw me out of the corner of your eye, you might actually think I was running but no, I'm just walking. Very fast.) it's become my new obsession. I must always have at least one physical obsession, you know.

I've been kept from running lately and as a result, the time I've had to spend alone with my thoughts has been minimal, too. I've had this curiosity about me, like there's something I need to know but I'm not quite sure how to go about figuring it out. Even more, I've felt like something is keeping me from figuring it out. It's like the time my sister considered dating the odd boy that lived up the block who spoke in a language he'd created himself and offered more than once to carve our bushes into Star Wars characters. Soon enough it will make sense but now, I just want to know why?

It's also occurred to me how much I'd miss this time if I weren't able to run any more. Though my doctors and I agree that we'll figure this out, I can't help but think the worst. There's so many more things that running allows me than just running. The time to think is only the beginning. I wouldn't have the energy I get from a good run. I wouldn't have the good pain of pushing through the last mile. I wouldn't be able to eat key lime pie like it's its own food group. It wouldn't get to travel to races and meet new friends. It would be really tough for me to get through a bad day, a difficult decision or a break up if I couldn't clear my head a little on a run. Obviously, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I would just really, really have to learn a new way of life. And I'm really, really not willing to do that right now. So I walk.


craig said...

I know the feeling. Nothing helps me think like a good run. You'll get through the injury. It takes time and patience but it can be done. And it's worth doing.

Runner Girl FL said...

I do more serious thinking while I run rather than when I walk. Walking seemes to make my head just say "oh pretty flowers" or "maybe tacos for dinner" Running really makes my brain work.

Walking fast might do it too....hmmmm....or maybe I could get better at it while walking.

Just take it slow...it's got to get better!!

girlgoyle said...

Well...if it gets to a point you dread you could always try riding. JCC rides his bike and it seems to work. I ride a horse and I swear by its therapeutic outcomes.

Bre said...

It's an interesting contrast, because when I run (which would probably be equal to your fast-paced walk)I don't think about anything. I am content to just focus on the words coming out of my iPod... I need to actually.

I have no doubt that you will figure this out... you're too stubborn to give up something so important without a fight!

Sizzle said...

you always remind me of the positives of exercise. thanks for that.

but seriously, what is this about your sister and the weird dude? i want to know more! ;)

justacoolcat said...

Yeah what GG said. Become a rider, you can push yourself like running.

When I think of fast walking I can't help but think of that Malcolm in the Middle where Hal enters a speed walking competition.

Excuse me, I have to go gouge out my eyes.

Robb said...

Hey, you do what you can and right now it's a fast walk! I think that's great for the moment and once the puzzle is solved you'll be back out there doing what you love.

I marvel at the young woman who walks by my house in the evening. She flies by with her arms swinging! Last week I spied her running on the other side of town...so she's cranking it up a notch (goodness knows she couldn't possibly walk any faster)!

I hope things work out for you. Meantime, keep cranking out the great posts. I bet it helps to write about it.

Ginger Breadman said...

Walking, running, something else . . it doesn't matter what it is, as long as you find something that can give you that space you need. Sometimes life changes and you have to adapt. I think you should eat more key lime pie.

backofpack said...

If there's one thing I've learned from reading blogs, it's that with enough patience, you'll get back to running. Keep going and you'll be back.