Friday, July 28, 2006

Reasons 1997 Can Just Stay Right Where It Is

I'm such a good friend. Tonight I had two friends over for wine and ended up making them help me clean out a closet. I have a hard time parting with things if someone is not there to force me to let go.

I found a journal from high school. After we spent a good hour laughing at me, it was clear this particular item was staying in the closet. You'll see why. (And I only partly blame the wine for assisting me in bearing my long-lost teenage soul on the internet).

A few entries:

September 17-

I hate two things today: physics and Anna Lockhart. Physics because I know darn well that I'm never going to use it and Anna Lockhart because she is cheating on her boyfriend. Physics is b.s. because it's really just math disguised in science and I'd rather write a ten page paper while someone is pulling out my hair strand by strand than do math. Anna Lockhart is also b.s. because in addition to being a cheater, she is also a snob. I laughed at her when she tripped up the stairs today and you know what? I'd do it again tomorrow. I'm wearing my new black sweater today and I feel good in it. It's not quite sweater weather according to my mom but oh well.

-I never got physics and it never got me. I still got an A minus.

-I heard Anna Lockhart got married, just after she got pregnant. Probably by a boy that wasn't her boyfriend.

-My psycho college roommate stole that sweater.


October 22-

Tomorrow is my birthday and I have to sit in every class, all day. I love it, really I do. I have come to the conclusion that people have to study a lot more than I do and that some of them don't like me for it. I got an A on Mr. Gren's test today having only read four chapters out of eleven. It's not my fault, I just got lucky. But Andy and Erin both made comments that pissed me off. They basically said if I am going to have brains I should act like it. I assume Andy was jealous because he has a lot of pressure from his parents to be a genius like he was when he was a kid (because he could tie his shoes when he was two or some crap like that) and I think Erin said it because she doesn't approve of me dating Ryan since he goes to another school and because of that I don't know what he's doing all day. Truth is, I don't really care. I think I should break up with him because homecoming is over and that's the best reason to have a boyfriend in the fall. Also, I don't even think he's really my boyfriend yet so it won't matter. Oh well, tomorrow is my birthday so everyone is just going to have to get over themselves or kiss my butt.

- I liked run on sentences. And fragments. Some things never change.

-I could never bring myself to write a curse word in my journal. I mean, what if it got out one day?!?

November 10-

Crazy, mad, insane in the brain Dr. Kort is the only teacher that understands me, ever, it feels like. He assigned us to write a story about love and when I turned in about fifteen typed pages while everyone else had about four, he took a deep breath like he was going to cry. At first I thought he was going to give it back to me for being too long but then he said that he couldn't wait to read it and that if it was good he was going to make me do extra credit and teach some of us how to write a screen play. Whatever he means by that I don't know. He's insane and if he were normal he would know that I can't write. My story was about a couple in their thirties living in Manhattan and I don't even know anyone in their thirties or anyone that lives in Manhattan. What I do know about those things is on television or in movies so hello Dr. K, IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE! I still feel like he understands me though because he always writes comments on my paper about what else I could have included in the story and it's usually something I took out because the story was too long. So the insane understand me most, great.

Also, I broke up with Ryan finally. Turns out, I had to go to his homecoming, too. Which was much nicer than ours because he lives with all the rich snobs. They had a coat check. What are we like 50? OK the truth is his homecoming was three weeks ago but I just couldn't get the nerve to tell him that I don't think we should date anymore. When I finally told him he just said ok, I have to go to hockey now. I understand, I made our team go for a run today and beat most of them back to the gym. Lazy men is what they are. No wonder we don't win crap.

-I now find it sort of cool that "crazy" people understand me. It probably has something to do with the fact that I've redefined crazy, and that I've embraced my own craziness. Dr. K's class was my last experience with fictional writing.

-I've never been a good breaker-upper. Fortunately, after my break-up with Ryan, I wouldn't be the breaker-upper for another seven years; I think being the break-uppee is worse, even if you are in a hurry to get to hockey practice.

- One of the guys I made run that day is now one of the leading conditioning trainers/coaches in the NHL. You'd better believe I take the credit.

Part of this makes me want to go back and pat that little seventeen year-old girl on the back and tell her not to analyze everything so much. The other part of me realizes she wouldn't listen and that this was just the beginning.

I'm so glad time just marches on.


Runner Girl FL said...

When I think back to the "good ole days" they are a bit scary as well. Keep the journal...throw out the clothes, in a few more years people will laugh at you for still having "THAT".

Josh said...

HA!!! Very funny!!!

I hope that Anna Lockhart doesn't read your blog...


Ginger Breadman said...

Oh, man - that was awesome!!! I can't believe you just posted all that. Brave and daring. I loved reading it. It's interesting to read your writing style then and compare it to now. Both are so honest and real - you've just matured more and your writing has also. And by the way, I'm pretty sure your friends had just as much fun cleaing out your closet as I did reading that stuff.

Neil said...

That was terrific. You were a good writer, even then. And a lot of snobs in your neighborhood.

backofpack said...

Pretty funny!

GirlGoyle said...

Eh...I know how you feel...I've come across some of my old journals and thought to myself...WTF was I thinking? This is just so queer. Funny how things that seem little and insignificant to you now were such a big deal back then. I want to be 10 again!

justacoolcat said...

There must have been some daring in that wine. Care to tell us what actually was tossed?

justrun said...

RGF- Oh yeah, I never seem to have a problem laughing at myself.

Josh- I hope she doesn't either! Well, maybe a little. ;)

Ginger- Never would I have dreamed of posting it ten years ago, but now? It's not so bad.

Neil- Not my neighborhood. Except for Anna Lockhart.

BackofPack- Yeah, it's good fodder.

GG- I know, right? Why did I care so much about having a homecoming date?

JACC- Mostly some shoes and other old accessories. The whole "cleaning a closet" pun was completely unintended.

craig said...

What a cool post. You had me laughing out loud.

I had a teacher like Dr. Kort in 9th grade. She told the class one day that someone had written a story that she had read to the teachers in the teacher's lounge. She went on about how it sounded like a real author wrote it. All two pages of it.

When she began reading it aloud in class it turned out to be mine. Which was neat in one way but a bit uncomfortable in another. It was years later that it finally dawned on me that she was trying to tell me that I could write.

Thanks for making my day.

Bre said...

Just when I thought I couldn't adore you more, I read "Tomorrow is my birthday so everyone is just going to have to get over themselves or kiss my butt."

and then I loved you lots more :-P

justacoolcat said...

Really, you have no idea the maturity and restraint that it took to refrain from any "out of the closet" comments. Could I actually have become more than 5 years old?

And I agree with Bre. That line is the best.