Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Pants On Fire

It was a really long day. I was tired, distracted and just feeling a little out of it. So, pretty much the perfect day to run into someone you haven't seen in a while.

I was changing at the gym, minding my own busniess. Walking around the locker room in a bit of a daze, I heard my name. I looked up and saw the face of a girl I knew in college. We run into each other once in a while but I probably hadn't seen her in over a year since she lives out of town.

She was so kind as to fill me in on her life. Great job, great husband, planning to have kids soon, blah blah blah. Then she started talking money. And it became annoying. I hate when people flaunt their money and earning capacity and whatever. It makes me want to throw up and I don't tolerate this well. I think I may have rolled my eyes but that didn't stop her. She just went on and on about how she wanted to wait until her husband was "clearning $200K a year" before they had kids but "you know, the clock is ticking, ha ha ha."

Naturally, after she'd done her best to prove to me she was living in the Land of Superiority, (the human equivalent to a dog peeing around it's house- you know, if it's house were six thousand square feet and made of pure gold) she asked about me.

"Are you married yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Are you dating anyone?"

And then I did it. I took a partial portion of truth and made something out of it. "Yeah, I am."

"Oh really? And what does he do?"

"He's a physician." What am I doing?

"A doctor. Wow. What kind?"

"He's a surgeon." What?

"Oh wow," she says "jackpot!"

"Oh, I really don't know about that. He's a good guy."

"Well good for you."

"Yeah, take care, okay? And good luck with the babies."


I could not believe myself. How could I do that? It was such a natural reaction, I can't explain it. The words just flew out of my mouth like I'd said them countless times before. And I am not a very good liar. I wondered if a lie based in truth is really a lie? I've been tempted in the past to have one of those boyfriends who went to a different school that was really far away but I never did it. Maybe I was just taking my turn. Maybe I just really wanted to end the conversation with this money flaunter. I know, I know. Still ridiculous.

I spent my workout beating myself up a little. Your life is good. You are a great person. Why did you lie? What's wrong with you? You should be more proud than that? You probably make more money than her husband. You know that, right? You are doing quite well! And why a doctor? You're so cliche. Gah!

But I got that out of my head and to tell the truth, I only felt like fifty percent guility about it in the end. The other fifty percent was like "damn right, jackpot!"


Ginger Breadman said...

It's okay to lie if you need to teach someone a lesson. Maybe she learned that she shouldn't be so annoying - and maybe she was exaggerating the truth to get attention and to get a reaction. People like her drive me nuts. I would have liked to see her reaction when your story was just as good as hers and she suddenly couldn't be better than everyone else.

GirlGoyle said...

200K?! Give me a break. The only reason someone would throw that out in people's face is because they have no substinance to their lives and are trying to distract everyone else from noticing how miserable they actually are. I'd rather be poor in the pockets and rich in the spirit. You have hit the jackpot. Don't beat yourself up over a little white lie.

Bre said...

I completely agree with GG. It's sad that she has to talk about all of the financial happiness that she has, but it's probably because she has very little marital happiness!

I wouldn't feel tooo bad about lying though... it's not like you told her that you were underwriting Dan Brown's new novel while dating the surgeon who they based Patrick Dempsy's Grey's Anatomy character on!!

Sizzle said...

she sounds kinda. . .gross. people so fixated on money and the appearance of having it all together and how their life fits neatly into some packaged plan- ugh and ew.

i am a horrible liar and you know what? i would have done the same thing you did.

justacoolcat said...

I, for one, found this story to be incredibly funny. I am still at my desk smiling. They think I am crazy, I know they do.

justrun said...

Ginger- That's probably the main reason I did it, the reaction.

GG- Yeah, you're right. And I know it. It was just a little out of character for me, which is probably the worst part.

Bre- That's it! I've watched too much Grey's Anatomy. Sheesh!

Sizz- You know what I mean? As annoyed as I may be by that question, coming from her it just needed a full-on SHUT DOWN. :)

CoolCat- You probably are nuts. But at least I can add to my resume: Strange Ability to Entertain Crazy People.
What do you think is funnier? That I lied or the lie itself? I'm torn, but then again, I know me.

Sister Buckle said...

I think that's funny in one way, but would have found it even more entertaining if you'd gone the opposite way and said "Yes, I'm dating someone. By mail. I'm a pen-friend through the prison system. I've met some really nice fellas.
Where do you live again? Bet you've got some really nice furniture...home theatre set-up? You guys have an in-home safe?"

She woulda shit herself.