I look forward to actually being awake in every class

In a few weeks, I'll be starting school again. I have books, I paid tuition (then threw up- seriously, when did it get so high?) and I even have a cute little student ID entitling me to absolutely nothing other than a discount movie admission, which I will no longer have time to see.

Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for being student again. I am surprisingly more thrilled about this go 'round than I was the first time. I loved college, the time, the friends, and even some of the learning, but it was always a means to an end for me. I'll never forget the way I felt the Spring of my junior year when I sat in the counselor's office, going over my credits and learning that I really was just a year and a half from graduation. That was the light at the end of the tunnel for me, I was finally going to be finished and ready for "real" life. How innocently that plan formulated in my head.

Now, obviously, it's different. Now it's not only the means-to-an-end concept that motivates me, it's what excites me. It's taken me a good five years to "figure out" what I think I should be doing to further my education and to come to the conclusion that I do not want to be in a finance class, ever again. In my entire life. No thank you. Clear enough? Seems simple now, but I thought an M.B.A. was always going to be my next step. I thought that was the logical thing to do for my career, a career that I am good at but am not passionate about- at least not the kind of passion I want to usher me into the next stages of my life. I finally reasoned that when you're guaranteed almost nothing in the future, it's a good idea to do something you're excited about in the meantime.

So that's what I'm setting out to do. I'm a little nervous, I'll be in a classroom again. I actually asked my mother the other day, half joking and half serious, "what if no one talks to me?" Which is just silly. I mean, when has that ever been a concern? We all know that I will just talk to them anyway. And that they will immediately decide that I am super cool and they want to be my friend forever and ever. Or maybe that's just what my mother said.

With this coming up, along with everything else happening at the natural full-speed-ahead style of August, I've lost a little sleep. That's acceptable, though. Who needs sleep when you have text books and parking passes and are already in a place where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it, and it feels good. As long as I don't start having any of those dreams where I'm in my underwear and can't remember the combination to my locker.