Friday, August 03, 2007

I Have No Idea What's Next, I Just Know I Can't Wait

I was reading Bre's post about, well, life last night and I got to thinking about it. I left a comment that if I had some kind of "solution" that would give us any clue as to what we were supposed to do to know the direction of our lives, I would have bottled and sold it by now. When I think about it, though, I guess that does take all the fun out of a lot of life. The knowing and the ever-mysterious questioning is part of the journey, right?


I mean, don't get me wrong. If I could bottle and sell something that no one else ever had bottled and sold before I would totally do it because that would probably mean I'd earn some cash which would then lead to me being able to finally buy every pair of flip flops ever made. And if you know me at all, you know that having all those flip flops and wearing them would then entitle me to run around making declarations that I am The Happiest Woman on Earth.

Speaking of happy, though, and the original point I started, I think I might already be there. Not that there's no further to go, I know (and hope) there is. But what I also said on Bre's post was something along the lines of "I don't know when he's coming along but when he does, he's going to run into one really happy girl." (Yes, I am too lazy to go read the comment and quote myself. I know. Shush.) Which, if I do say so myself, is pretty cool.


I've been going about a million miles a minute for the last few weeks. I'm not going to lie, I've been stressed more than an astronaut's family during a spacewalk. (I know, random. But I had never considered how stressful that might actually be. Have you?) I'm currently staring down the double barrel of job changes and becoming a student again. I've got more family around right now than I know what to do with, friends that want to take me places with them and, oh yeah, the dog needs to go to the vet. There's a guy coming to fix the door on Saturday, that project due at work on Monday, that resume you need to revise and oh yeah, it'd be nice if the bathroom were clean. I'm still tired from an awesome Tuesday night of four hours (FOUR HOURS!) of fantastic live music and still reeling from the four miles I put in on the treadmill (and I usually cannot stand the treadmill, you know).

And when it's all together like that, in a mass of words and happenings and "things" it doesn't sound stressful at all. It sounds good. It sounds full, like that "mmmmm" noise you might make when you give a really great hug to someone you love. It sounds like life.

So with my comment, it was just what came to mind. That's what good is meant to be, what it's meant to give. Happiness. Hope. Faith. The times, they are not perfect. The days, they're long. But that solution, that "solution" to accepting what life is and where it might lead, I think it might be balance. Finding satisfaction somewhere between what you've chosen and what's chosen you. It's not reading too much into something* and yet, purposefully looking for what you know you shouldn't miss.



* I feel a little like I hijacked my own comment and therefore, hijacked Bre. Sorry, Bre. Now let's all go distract her by talking about shoes!

16 comments:

Backofpack said...

Another insightful post. I've got a "mmmmmmmmmmmmmm" life right now too, but judging by the laughter that's been occuring it's all good. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!

brookem said...

what a wonderful, realllly well written post.
and i feel a spec teary (in a good way!) after reading it.

Danielle said...

Ah yes...being happy with your life. I totally can relate to that. It's how I was, how I have been, how I still am, with or without someone in my life (OK so someone is there now, some issues are going on, but we should work through them, I think they are my neuroces more than anything). The only way to be truly happy though is to be happy with yourself, then you can transfer the happiness to others. You can't rely on someone else to make you happy.

e.b. said...

Excellent perspective my friend. I can't stand the waiting around and wondering why nothing is happening whine - go out, make it happen, eat a cheeseburger, join a knitting group, walk your dog down a different road. Go, do, be. And it sounds like you totally are!

okay maybe the cheeseburger was an odd craving i was having at 9:53 in the morning. but the point is there.

JustRun said...

BoP- I find laughter to be an excellent measure.

Brooke- Happy tears. :)

Danielle- In the words of my Grandpa (any Grandpa, really), damn straight!

e.b.- There is pretty much no time of the day that I couldn't go for a cheeseburger.

brandy said...

I liked this a lot my dear. And I'm with the others- very insightful. I think that sometimes I think I need to be 'busy' while single to distract myself, but then I realize that being 'busy' is called 'having a life'. I have friends who are waiting for the guy to come, and they are missing a million opportunities along the way. It's frustrating to watch. Glad you are living it up!

The Exception said...

It is truly living your life -in the moment, in the day... it is being there rather than worry about the future, the guy, the past, the things you can't control.

I loved the last paragraph of this post.

One why I knew I was happy was when I stopped trying to figure out what came next and just began... living.

sue said...

It feels good, doesn't it?

Josh said...

I think you are happy. I also that that is awesome.

afuntanilla said...

"It sounds full, like that "mmmmm" noise you might make when you give a really great hug to someone you love."

GREAT line. I totally get it. i miss those kind of hugs.

Bre said...

It's a weird place to be, but I love your angle on it!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I really admire how you are so intune with your life. I could learn a lot from you.

justacoolcat said...

They say chance favors the prepared mind. Boooyah!

Nicole said...

You know my mom said I would never be satisfied. And sometimes I think she is right. I'm never completely happy for more that a week. i can't sit still because I'm going to miss something - I'm sure of it but I can hope that once i feel settled that maybe I will be happy.

Enjoy life! And, if you ever bottle something up save me some

singleton said...

you wrapped up this beautiful post with a giant irredescent ribbon....
"Finding satisfaction somewhere between what you've chosen and what's chosen you"

love it! Absolutely love it!

runliarun said...

I think the "solution" is to a great extent making peace with uncertainty.