Thursday, March 16, 2006

What is up with today?

Freakish things are coming out of the woodwork left and right. Heck, it's not even the woodwork; that would imply they're trying to be subtle. Nothin' subtle about this day. This is real in-your-face freakish.

At noon I walked two blocks to pick up lunch. In those two blocks I was accosted (the approached-and-spoken-to-loudly kind of accosted and the asked-for-sex kind of accosted) twice. In Spanish.

Because I am semi-bilingual, I will semi-translate for you.

The first was an older woman who, apparently, thought I was called Lucy.

"Lucy! I told you to be here at 11:30! Ayyii."

I avoided eye contact and said nothing.

She followed me for about half a block, shouting all the way, "Lucy, you idiot! Do you ever listen?"

It's no wonder the real Lucy ditched her.

The second accosting was at a crosswalk. I was halfway through when a short man in dark glasses bent down in front of me to pick up something off the street. I tried to side step him and right as I thought I'd avoided tripping over his trench coat, he turned to me and raised his eyebrows and looked me up and down.

"What's up, chica? You want to come downtown with me?"

We were already downtown. I don't want to know what "downtown" he meant. I felt the need to shower about seventeen times and consider telecommuting.

I returned from my reinitiation to the city to an email from someone calling himself "Terrence Wilson, Blog Finder." I know I'm new to this game, but I've never heard of Terrence Wilson. I read the email anyway.

Apparently, Terrence and his "associates" want to pay me for my blogging or my writing or something. Heh. Sure.

The following is my response back to Terrence:

Mr. Wilson and Associates,

I have no idea who you are. I'm skeptical that your name is even real. I'm hesitant to even reply to this message. Nonetheless, I will acknowledge your offer politely.

I am not interested. If you've read anything here, you'd know that one, I am very new to blogging, two, I have a career in which I'm quite pleased and three, the only new position I'm even remotely interested in being offered right now is that of Beach Bum.

Unless by "compensate" you meant millions of dollars and by "professional weblog" you meant drinking margaritas in Cabo, allow me to save you any further time and ask you to not proposition me again. I've had enough of that for today.


P.S. Just as a tip from one professional to another: You might consider using the name of your company and that of your "associates" when offering out contracts.

This back to reality thing is going swell.


GirlGoyle said...

Sheesh...a professional career swigging Tequila in Cabo, I'd gladly be your "associate" Mr. Wilson. LOL

Bre said...

Man, that Lucy, she has no sense of responsibility!

Look at it this way, at least you had a clue what was being said. Since my language skills are limited to the ever-useful Irish and some French, I would have just given a nervous laugh and walked away!

Neil said...

AT least you know you're very attractive to the Spanish-speaking population of your city.

justacoolcat said...

What an odd day.

Atleast, it's been interesting?

Your email reply was most excellent.

Stephen said...

You haven't heard of Terrence Wilson? Girl, where have you been?