Wednesday, March 29, 2006

She's Just Not That Into You

I really wish someone would write this book. Contrary to what many women believe, there are guys out there who will continually attempt to be around you though you are showing absolutely no sign of being into them.

About two months ago I went on a blind date. This guy and I spoke on the phone a couple times and the conversations were pretty good so I wasn't surprised that when we went out, we were actually able to talk. The thing about it was, that's all there was. Sure we had things in common but it wasn't anything extraordinary. No butterflies. No spark. No major first impression.

So, I told him I had a nice time, gave him a hug and said goodbye. He asked if he could call me but it was only regarding some biking stuff I had for him and we didn't really talk about going out again. I was pretty sure he was on the same page- no chemistry. Well, he called. And called. And called some more. At first, I'd talk to him and chat like friends do. Then, I realized we were, in fact, not on the same page. I started saying I was busy and that I didn't think I could make plans any time soon. A sure sign for a guy, right? Wrong. He just waited three weeks and called again. We chatted, I was polite, he asked, again. So, I had to say "No thanks. I just don't see dating in our future." Fine. Blunt. But no, he replies with: "So we just go out as friends. No big deal. I think you're really cool, even if you're just my friend."

So here's what I'm thinking:

1. Cool. Mature guy. Knows how to be friends. Doesn't blow you off. Could lead to many other opportunities in life, like a new mountain biking buddy (which is always good) or,

2. Lame. Pining. Could get annoying. Or even worse.

So, though it's not common and this guy is not likely to spend nights crying over the girl that he can't get, it turns out that men may need a book too.

Because it may be a while before the right book comes along, here are a few sure-fire signs for the guys that a girl is just not that into you:

- She doesn't call you.

- She takes more than two days to return your calls and though she's nice, she's also really short with you.

- She ignores your calls altogether.

- She doesn't laugh at your jokes, even if you have a winning personality.

- Unless she's 16, she's seen Casablanca, she's heard every romantic song in the world, she's read all the poetry and none, none of that is going to "woo" her into your arms. That's the kind of thing that might impress a girl after she already thinks she's into you. That was a little digression but nonetheless, important.

- Last, but hopefully the most obvious of them all, she gives you hints (if not comes right out and says) she's dating someone else.

I assure you, there has never been a single, available woman in the history of the world that will ignore you for three weeks if she likes your attention. If she's available and into you, you will know. If she's doing any or all of the above, man up and move on.

If you want to keep the girl as a friend, tell her so and then leave her alone. If you can manage this, she might even think you're normal and set you up with one of her friends.


GirlGoyle said...

Maybe he thinks persistance pays? You have to give him credit for trying but yes...I can see that getting annoying especially after you've been pretty blunt. Eh...there is a saying in Italian that doesn't translate well but goes along the lines of: there is no worse deaf than thee who doesn't WANT to hear.

Neil said...

I don't know -- I'm reading a subtext that you really have the hots for him.

Actually, I think men are actually worse than women in not giving up on a romantic vision, because they are more insecure about these things.

JustRun said...

You guys really think there's something I'm not seeing here, don't you? Hmmm...

Bre said...

I'm with you, girl! We should co-author one :)

Neil's point about men giving up the romantic vision is a good one - I've spent many nights counseling a dear (male) friend of mine and trying to explain to him that the object of his affection isn't interested.

JustRun said...

Right on, Bre. I can see the title now: "She's Just Not That Into You, Don't Make It Worse."

nette said...

*chuckling quietly in sisterly comraderie*
guys, they're a laugh aren't they?
I was clever little snot you know. I got one that had a life before I met him and it has worked out well. Go for the ones with grey already in their beard. They don't care if they don't pull. They have this indefinable kind of apathy about the whole dating Thang.
The other quality of this is that you KNOW you're not getting a show pony. My husband has just been improving since I met him. (read "he no longer deals in illegal drugs and, his grey hair is now appealingly debonaire")

SB's sister

G-Man said...

If one accepts (as one should)the well documented knowledge that males are, developmentally, 10 years behind women on the social intelligence scale, then one should employ more direct approaches to enlightening frustratingly persistant men, such as: My father is local chairperson of the N.R.A; My brother skins cats for fun; Aileen Wuornos is an American hero; Serial killer shmerial killer, they are all misunderstood; and finally, if any of the latter fail, FUCK OFF or your manhood becomes a doorstop!

Sister Buckle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sister Buckle said...

It really puts me off dating at all when it's like you have to be really MEAN to get through that you think they're a fine person but just not partner material specifically for you.

No wonder the moral fibre of the WORLD is crumbling. Getting drunk and shagging the bad boys is so much less complicated. And it leaves Sunday afternoons free for contemplation.