Monday, June 11, 2007

No Fix

It's hard to see someone you love hurting. It's really, really hard when that someone is the person that so often has taken your hurt away. No matter what the pain, talking to her somehow made it better.

When you fell into the pool, because you've always been graceful like that, and scraped your entire leg, all you wanted was her. When you didn't get picked for the team (probably the lack of grace again) you just wanted to see her. To tell her. When your friends gossiped about you, when you tripped in the hall, when you got your heart broken, she was the only one you wanted to see.

This person, as if there were any question, is my mother. And she's hurting now. Because of life, because of love, because of death. And all I want to do is take it away. I want to reach inside her heart and mind and remove the memory for a while. I want to take the feelings and coat them with sugar so they might go down a little easier. I want to have answers.

You never really realize, until it stares you in the face, how your happiness can be wrapped up in those you love. How one person, in just their being and who they are can symbolize things in life that you've come to know. Things you've come to count on.

Now that I'm older, we have better conversations. Conversations that are deeper and more real. It is a blessing, but it is also a realization. I remember that feeling, I got it for the first time in college. It's when you realize your parents are just people. They know a lot, but not everything. They have passions and dreams and feelings, just like you. It's so odd, that feeling. Knowing that this person, when it comes down to it, is someone you love beyond even your own ability to understand but also, that they're real.

It's the real that I see right now. It's not because I think I can save her. It's not because I think she can't handle it. It's not some parent-child reversal. It's just my reaction. She's scraped her knee and me, well I can't find the right band-aid.

15 comments:

brandy said...

Oh dearie, this was so well said! I'm sorry that you feel like you can't find the 'band-aid', but I like to think, your mom knows that you are there for her, and maybe that's enough? Just keep loving her and I hope things get easier...

Backofpack said...

From a Mom's point of view, knowing I raised a person who cared so much would be all I need. The feeling you describe so well also applies to your children.

You know as well as I do that we can't take that pain away - all we can do is walk through it with them. Be there for your Mom, let her know you care and will do what you can - that will be enough.

justacoolcat said...

I'm in the same situation. Mom was in the hospital last week and it was scary.

Whatever your mother's issue may be I'd wager she is well aware of your support and grateful.

Danielle said...

While you can't take it away, and nothing will "fix" it but time...my guess is just you talking to her, giving her a hug and telling her you love her, while it might not change the "hurt" it will at least put a salve on the wound, however briefly.

GirlGoyle said...

I think you may have found the band aid you just don't know it. It's simple, you (and your sister and her little one) are her band aid. Band aids don't make the pain go away but they sure help you stay together. That's all she needs right now.

e.b. said...

So sorry for your losses.

I am sure she knows that if you could you would and that kind of support is invaluable to her.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I can only echo what others have said and tell you that you have to accept that just being there for your mom is the best salve there is.

But it is so painful when those you love are hurting, much worse than your own pain.

All best to you.

sue said...

What a beautiful post. You are a daughter to be proud of. I agree with backofpack, it goes both ways and as a mom I feel that way about my children, too. It is a great comfort to her, I'm sure, just to know you are "on her side"...

Beth said...

I think the band-aid is just knowing that you are there for her. It's probably impossible to take the pain away, but knowing that you are there and that you care can do wonders.

Nicole said...

You sound like you have a relationship w/ your mom like I did with mine. It is a stuff position to be in but like backofpack said knowing you are there and a wonderful daughter is probably more than enough.

BTW thanks for comments on my blog - I love the island and all the info you gave is helping. Tom and i went sailing w/ capt. phil today - tom's napping as he got seasick but it was amazing.

Kate said...

an absolutely lovely post.

brookem said...

i can totally relate to what you have just described. i have a very close relationship with my mother, and i just hate when she's hurting.
like the other commenters said, i'm sure she knows that you are there for her, and just by being with her, i have a feeling you are helping to comfort her in ways no one else can.

SohoSally said...

I agree with Brandy - to your mom just knowing that you care is probably a big lot of boo-boo fixing!

The Exception said...

Sometimes the best we can give is the simplest - love and support. Everyone here has expressed my thoughts. I can tell you that hugs, laughter, sharing, and simply holding a hand or being there do go a long way.

Sempre Libera said...

This is, indeed, a tough one. Fortunately, sometimes just knowing that someone else cares, like you do, is the best we can ask for.