Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Pretty Little Bows

Blogging, online journaling, writing and putting it out for anyone to see... whatever you want to call it, it's a strange thing. It seems as though the longer you do this and the more comfortable you become, the more cautious you become, as well. Maybe not so much because of the Big Scary Anonymous Blog-Reading Stalker (though I understand that is a valid fear) but more so because you start to wonder what's good and appropriate content for your blog.

Whether you try to or not, a blog sort of takes on it's own personality. Some become largely political, some are strictly and purposely nonsensical while others (like, oh, say maybe THIS blog) just seem to throw everything together and sometimes wrap everything up neatly in the end with a cute little bow.

I'm not going to lie, I like the bow. I like the way a good conclusion sounds and the way I can share how I took a less than ideal situation and found that it really turned out better than I could have ever anticipated. I like saying "look at all these beautiful things, oh how I love them! Aren't they great? Isn't everything just remarkably wonderful?" Because most of the time, life is just that.

But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes things happen and you find yourself wondering not only if you should share them on your blog and more importantly, how you should do it. Sure, the content of this site isn't always hearts and flowers bursting from sunshine and rainbows, but it's not often far from it. Or at least my mind isn't, anyway. So then life hands you some bad news, you deal with it and feel like you're working with it well but you say to yourself "I won't write about this. Not only might it be too private, but I don't know how to do it anyway." And it's true, you probably don't know how to write about it. But you sit down, ready to write about anything and guess what? Nothing else comes to mind. So now, you have two choices: writing about the bad or a blank screen. I'm never one to keep my mouth shut for long, so of course a blank screen isn't going to last.

Three days ago, an uncle of mine passed away. It was not a unique situation, as he was sick and had been for a very long time. His death was not a shock and yet, it is still very difficult. I find myself in the place of wanting to support other family members who were close to him while trying to make some peace with it in my own heart. It's a difficult situation and yet, very simple. It is a reminder to me, though I like to believe I don't need it, to value my family. To be very thankful for them, as they're the only one I'm going to get. I'm very proud of the way we support one another, regardless of feelings about the situation.

It's a reminder that time will heal and it will also reveal. While there are so many questions, there are also some answers. It's comforting to know that we can be relieved from our suffering, when it is our time. It's a reminder that we are given so many choices each and every day and that we can't let those pass us by. That, though it may not seem like it, does make a pretty decent bow on the top of the otherwise not-so-neat package.

18 comments:

runliarun said...

I view death as a graduation. As in: you did what you were supposed to do, you are ready. It's hard for the ones left behind, but the graduate simply moves on.

And that is quite a bow.

Backofpack said...

Loss is heart-rending. Sometimes it is your own heart that is broken by death, sometimes it is watching the grief of others that breaks a heart. The thing is, grief reminds us that we loved and were loved. It reminds us to acknowlege and extend our love daily. It reminds us of mortality - our own and others. Though, death is hard, it is part of the cycle, and leaves a lesson in its wake. You are blessed in your love and in your family. And I believe they are blessed to have you.

Danielle said...

I know exactly what you mean about what to share and what not to. I'm struggling with that myself a bit right now on a few matters and hopefully in the next few days I can reveal a few things.

Loss of a loved one is never easy. My grandfather died suddenly, of a massive heart attack, we weren't ready and it was so hard. My aunt died of breast cancer, she had been sick, was in remission and it came back with a vengence, she was rediagnosed in May and died in September, we were prepared, we knew it was going to happen, but that didn't make it any less painful or sad than my grandfather who had been unexpected. You just move forward and eventually it gets to a point where you just realize they are with you, you remember them in little ways and you go on cause it's what you have to do. And in cases where they were sick, you know they are in a better place.

Nicole said...

My thoughts are with you.

adam said...

Here is the bow for me: "time will heal and it will also reveal." I am guessing that for you, writing helps you sort through stuff and put it in perspective. A side benefit for the rest of us is that there are often pearls of wisdom in your posts. Thank you.

e.b. said...

I am sorry for your loss. I know we all struggle with the level we want to disclose and more so, what has a "message" and a "happy ending" - it is life and it is messy and there is unhappiness, sometimes a bow does not sum it all at the end. I have come to realize that sometimes we just have to let it be and let it end where it ends.

Sempre Libera said...

So sorry to hear about your uncle. And you are so right, as ever.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm so sorry; my deepest condolences to your family.

I also appreciate the struggle with what and how much to discuss on the blogs. On the one hand there is knowing that the sympathetic souls who visit will offer their hearts, but on the other hand there is the issue of how much information is too much and how it will affect family members.

Bre said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear that! There's no such thing as an easy loss, and I'm sure it isn't easy to handle the emotions. You'll get through it though and we'll be thinking of you.

Your thoughts on blogging are so true - before anyone read my blog, I told everyone everything.... and then folks started reading and I got one or two "off" emails from folks who had been reading and the next thing I knew I was pulling my last name from everything I could find, password locking some posts, and assigning generic names to people and places... just in case.

brandy said...

I join the masses in saying that I'm sorry for your loss.

I struggled with what to write in regards to the passing of my cousins baby. In the end I left out names and places and just wrote what I felt in vague ways that satisfied my need to write, but didn't disclose anything that wasn't my story to tell. It worked for me, but I know every situation is different. Sending good thoughts your way...

Orhan Kahn said...

You're so incredibly right about blogs taking on a personality of their own. You really hit the nail on the head with that one.

Very sorry to hear about your uncle.

singleton said...

Oh Just Run, My thoughts are with you, sweetie. There is no pretty little bow to make losses any better, they hurt, they're deep, they leave vacancies in our lives, our hearts, our ordinary days. Bless you all....
Wishing you peace....

Dawn said...

I'm sorry girl...death (even when you know it's coming) is no fun.

Desiree said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Blogging is new to me... and I'm still learning what NOT to say due to my stalker... it's weird that so many can read our words, our thoughts, our views of the moment. Sometimes moods pass and we aren't feeling like we did when we blogged. And what then? Do we take all of those posts down? All I know is that I enjoy writing and I enjoy the community of bloggers I'm getting to know.

craig said...

Sorry for your loss and hope you and your family find strength as you lean on one another. You are wise in understanding that events like this always provide an opportunity to learn new things about what's important in life.

I think you did good on this post. Life is a mixed bag. And when we choose to write about life I think there are times when we have to be willing to write about the difficult stuff if we are to be authentic. And the fact that your blog throws everything together is a plus for me.

appletini said...

I'm truly sorry for your loss. Death is never an easy issue to deal with.

I am also struggling with what to share. The confident side in me says oh well who cares, but then I hesitate. It will be nice when I find a balance.

GirlGoyle said...

So sorry for your loss. I don't know if time will ever heal a loss but it will at least sooth the pain a little.

As for what to reveal and not on your blog, you are so dead on. Sometimes I get this creepy feeling you can read my thoughts. There are so many things that I would just like to blurt out and I find myself holding back. I started to blog anonymously and now that I have blogger friends that I will probably never meet I still find myself wondering if they will judge my actions and thoughts. Are we ever really anonymous?

justacoolcat said...

Sorry for your loss.