Thursday, May 03, 2007

Careless and Misbehaving

I'm such the bad kid these days. I'm ornery and starting trouble with people just for the sake of starting it. Nothing serious, of course, but for some reason overhearing a conversation and then finding it my place to disagree (mind you, I had no opinion one way or the other in reality) by chiming in just seemed appropriate.

I know when I get like this it's because I'm just fed up. And not with anyone or anything in particular, that would be far too easy. I've simply allowed myself to get everything wrapped around me instead of caring to wrap myself around any of it.

This actually comes at a good time, though because my last post seemed to garner some interesting comments and emails. The comments, as you can see, were constructive. The emails, however, were of a variety. While I understand some people would rather email on some topics out of comfort zones, sensitivity, etc. I don't understand only emailing you're a cold hearted b*tch, no wonder you're alone, die! I can't really make sense of that. It's a timing, thing, I guess because a year ago I would have thought a while about that comment and now I just wonder how on Earth anyone has the time because, I tell you, I haven't had the time to so much as pick my nose in the last two weeks and you're off finding people to email and insult? And somehow I don't think saying people, trust me, I have feelings upon feelings. My feelings have feelings. Know the feelingless? I have some! I have them to spare! would actually help matters.

I wonder if you know of the eighteen million other things you could be doing right now, like mowing the lawn, watching Entertainment Tonight (dude, have you heard the latest on Hasselhoff?), or, if you're really bored, picking my nose. Seriously, telling me I'm cold-hearted and to die is really not constructive. Two reasons: One, there are three things that I'm 100%, all the time going to defend, and tip-toeing around feelings ain't one of 'em. Second, statistics actually do show that yes, I will die one day. So basically what you're doing is telling the sun to set in the West and baby, THE SUN ALREADY KNOWS.

Perhaps this is pointless to say anyway because I'm going to continue living in my little fantasy world where everything is mostly good and things that suck will all eventually go away. This fantasy includes the idea that me, myself and my body are just going to be twenty-one years old forever. I'm going to pretend I can bounce out of bed every morning, lace up my shoes and run like it's my job. It's not going to hurt when I walk up and down stairs, I'm not going to have to see a doctor, ever, and when I kneel down to talk to small children I'm not going to be extra careful and groan like I'm seventy-two. Because I'm twenty-one, remember? Keep up.

Mostly, it is because I'm a stubborn idiot and am somehow still feeling the need to do a marathon on Sunday that I am a) not trained for and b) still hem-hawing over three days prior. (Yes, I know.) But the plans are made, the trip is set, the people are loading up and heading out and part of my ill-prepared ass still wants to knock out twenty-six miles.

I already know how that sounds. I already know there's all this "what about the future?" and "listen to your body" business to think about. And the truth is, I probably won't do it. I will probably come to my senses and stand at the finish line and cheer and take pictures.

But I might not. Because I'm feeling ornery, you know, and also, careless.

My best to all of you racing this weekend. And my best to all of you, really!


Dawn said...

I don't groan when getting up, but everything certainly does snap, crackle, and pop when I move around.

justacoolcat said...

Hateful emails? I think one day when someone sends me a hateful email I'll suggest they take up scrapbooking or some more constructive use of their time. If that doesn't work for them I'll still be just as despicable later.

I've been pissing off the Internets lately too, but most of the vim has been expressed on blogs. As you know, I tend to pick my fights with bullies. Anyway, I hope tomorrow is a much better day.

Backofpack said...

I missed the whole thing!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Your blog is your blog, you get to say what you want. I get to choose whether to read it or not. If I read it and don't like it, I don't ever have to read it again. I can comment or not. Therefore, since all choices are mine, there is no need to send spiteful emails. If I do want to argue with you, I should have an articulate argument - something that actually includes rational points rather than a hate-filled one liner.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hate email can be kinda fun - I have my favourite one on my sidebar, actually because it makes me lol and feel all superior. Blogging about hate email is pretty great too.

And you will be 21 forever, just as I am.

GirlGoyle said...

People who send hateful emails are idiots. If you don't have something good to say then we don't want to hear it so spare us the crappy email. Jerk!! Ok...sorry had to vent. Seems to me like you need to lace up those shoes and run towards this:
You can be young forever. I'm certain of it.

Nicole said...

I think you are awesome. Your entitled to your opinions and if people hit below the belt because they are so self absorbed screw them.
Stay 21 forever and go kick butt at the race Sunday - I'll be cheering for you.

singleton said...

Yup, stay 21 forever, or at least until you're 32....which turns out to be an awesome age to hang out until your 43 which is why the forties are the new thirties! It gets better all the time! Hang where you are happy! :)

And I can't imagine anyone sending you hate mail girl - consider it spam and don't give it another thought!

e.b. said...

You go! I cannot for the life of me get the negative feedback on the blogs - it literally blows my mind and I am left there just picking my nose trying to figure it out. People c'mon WHY DO YOU CARE?

I had no idea you were serious about a marathon in a week. What ever you do good luck and have fun!

Danielle said...

Hate mail huh?? Isn't it fun? Nothing like people sending it when they don't know you, know nothing about you, etc...although maybe it is someone you know? Anyway, this is your blog, your place to post what you think and feel and if someone doesn't agree...well, tough for them. Not everyone is going to think the way they do and it should not be that way. It's what makes living fun.

Ginger Breadman said...

I just read through the last few posts that I've missed, and I gotta say, they are so wise, so astute, and so well-written. And I gotta laugh that somebody sent you hate mail - how sad for them. It appears to me, that you're very in touch with emotion, with reality, and with what does and unfortunately doesn't go on within the minds of others. Thanks for your posts this week - they've been very eye-opening, and sometimes I think it's great that you speak your mind about things that other people seem too afraid to.

Have a great run in that marathon, and have a fabulous vacation!

Joe said...

I think people that send awful emails like that just don't understand the whole blogging culture. To me, a blog is similar to an old-fashioned paper diary, where we sometimes write things that we might not say out loud, or might say differently (e.g. with some sugar coating and euphemisms). People need to chill out and realize this before they make a comment.

If you do choose to run in the marathon, have fun and good luck to you! If you get injured, don't worry, you're only "21". You've got lots of time to heal. :-)

runliarun said...

Fort Collins? You are so quiet about this, don't say a word about marathons on your mind. And then you mention it off-hand, as if it were a 5K :).

egan said...

You're pretty funny you know that? I'm toying with not training for a triathlon this summer to see how I do sans training. It's kind of a dumb idea, but the challenge kind of intrigues me. Good luck whatever the hell you end up doing.

Bre said...

I could absolutely deal without the negative emails too... Especially when they come from people who think I do a poor job with my students!

Sempre Libera said...

"I've simply allowed myself to get everything wrapped around me instead of caring to wrap myself around any of it."

You're very perceptive. Sorry to hear you've been feeling ornery, but we're all entitled to it every now and then! I think for the most part you have a great, strong outlook on life and it will serve you well.

As for the nasty emails - one of the bad things about the internet is that it brings all the crazies out of the woodwork. They're barely coherent, but boy can they be nasty. Don't let them get you down though :-)

skinnylittleblonde said...

Hate email? I think that it must be more than entertainment for the spammer. While you're running your 21 year old legs off, they are running their trap. While you wondering how far you will make it & what your heart-rate is, they're wondering if they will get a reply. While you use words, thoughts & feelings to exercise your mind, they are hoping to catch a free ride...obviously too lazy to exercise their mind solo. While you are constructive, they try to be deconstructive. To receive such words means that you inspired some train of thought in their head. Ironically enough, they sent an email surely hoping to get a rise out of you...this, to me, means that they were hoping to be able to think that they inspired something from you. the reason why I say it's ironic is because this is YOUR blog. You throw stuff out here, take it or leave it. That person threw stuff in your box. Definitely a reflective difference.

Sizzle said...

someone told you to die?! based on your last post? i just don't get that kind of response. really, go mow the lawn or read a book. sheesh!

i love the way you wrote this post. it made me laugh. go ornery you!

brandy said...

Oh dear. I recently got an email that made my head hurt but I've been trying to ignore it. Ever notice that those emails are usually by people who NEVER say anything nice anyway?? Hope you had a good weekend!

appletini said...

Wow! I read your feelings post and I didn't find it justified to elicit such a strong reaction from people.

I totally agree with your point. Our feelings many times stem from how we perceive things, and if we perceive things through tainted lenses, more often than not, you tend to get stuck in the feeling and become immobile. We need to feel, but learn from our feelings and move on. If we don't then depression, anxiety, etc. settles in.

Great post :)

By the way I totallly identify with your stubborness