Monday, April 30, 2007

Time Is on My Side

Lately, some people around me have been making some choices in their own lives without considering how those choices might change the lives of others. Without going into too much detail (I just love having to be cryptic on my blog) I'll say that not only have their choices affected me, they also have the potential to affect my work. People, I don't care how big or small your city is, when the stuff hits the fan the rule of Six Degrees of Separation more than likely applies. That is just the way the world is. None of us is an island.

What's really getting me over this situation is that I don't know how to react to it. Should I be upset? Should I be angry? Should I disengage? Should I judge? I ask myself these questions every day. Late at night, early in the morning, over breakfast, in the car, while I'm supposed to be listening to someone else. All the time. And while I know there's a line that one should always draw when it comes to getting involved in the problems of others, it's still my reaction that I'm struggling with.

Because this is, for the most part, not a moral issue (though I can't say I agree that it's aligned with my own values) the line I use to judge right and wrong is blurred. I'm finding it nearly impossible to make any kind of peace with it. Maybe it is a result of it being a friend. Maybe it's a product of being in my 20's. Maybe I really just don't know yet.

On one hand, this someone with whom I have a friendship and they have made a choice that is changing the world of a lot of people. Part of me says to be very tough on them. We all have consequences for our choices, right? I want them to realize what they've done! And then I catch myself. For starters, I'm in no place of authority anyway, so that's good reason to hold back. Also, I remember that it's not up to me to serve justice. It is not my responsibility to "make" them see what they've done. That will happen in time, regardless of my actions. And every time I feel myself starting to become angry, overcome with that feeling of being wronged, another feeling comes in even stronger. It's calm. It's a feeling telling me to take the higher road. To wait it out and watch things unfold. To have the bigger heart.

When it comes down to it, down to life, that's what I want to have anyway. A bigger heart. I can do this when it's easy, of course. It's harder, though, when it's a challenge. I will have to struggle with this. But I want to be the person that can see past the initial reactions of hurt or anger. I want to be the person that knows that it's probably not my job to judge. If laws aren't being broken, if children aren't being harmed, then adults just get to be adults, even if they're wrong. It doesn't mean they get my love, my friendship or my respect, it just means that I can deal with it in the context of how it affects me. I don't have to worry about making them pay. Time will do that without any help from me.

10 comments:

justacoolcat said...

What a crappy spot to be in. If they are a friend, and their decisions are affecting you, you have every right to voice your opinion.
Wordv:jumpn

brandy said...

Sounds like a tough situation but you also sound like you've got a great attitude about it! I hope things work out...

skinnylittleblonde said...

Well, sometimes being a supportive friend requires acceptance, where understanding is uncomprehensible. But it almost always requires honesty. Peace to you on this one.

GirlGoyle said...

People normally make decisions based on what is good for themselves. At least you know they've made a decision instead of wishy washy.So I'd suggest disengage or maybe that would be my approach. Disengage and deal with the decision.

Bre said...

This is one of those situations that there just isn't an easy answer for! I agree with JACC - voicing your opinion isn't a bad idea!

The Exception said...

These situations are always difficult. There is no right answer. You could give your opinion and then step away knowing that you have done what you can do and, in the end, it is up to them to make a decision.

We can't live our lives worried about the ripple created by our decisions; but we can consider the immediate ripple... ah, in the end, it is so complicated and nuanced and situational!

Follow your heart! ;)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

This is a tough spot. If your job is being affected, it might not be best to take the high road and disengage. You do have to look out for your own interests as well.

Danielle said...

I know there are things friends of mine have done that I don't agree with, but they are friends, and it has even been really good friends, and you're right, it's not your place to judge. You might not agree, and it might not be something you would choose to do, but hopefully you can be there and just listen, tell them how you feel, but still be there for them even if they continue down the path that isn't quite what you would choose. It's tough, but it's part of friendship.

singleton said...

Sometimes you have to leave it all up to Karma....
And still pick them up when they fall from grace....
Wishing you peace, hope, and eventually...a happy ending.....

Nicole said...

Sounds like you are in a very tough spot. It sounds like you are taking the higher road - I hope however this affects you doesn't hurt you.