Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Not ungreedy

A male friend of mine has been "entertaining" the idea of a long-distance relationship. He tends to go on a little, which I generally don't mind. Should I go? Should I not? Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it too soon since my last relationship? Am I ready? Is this the right person? Is this the right time? Is it worth the time? Is it worth the money? Is it worth the effort? It all seems a bit much for me, but everyone is different, right? It also all seems a bit much for a guy, but hey, some normal guys talk a lot, right?

And by normal, of course, I mean no one I have ever met except for this one guy who is a good guy with what I believe to be good intentions but seriously, has not a clue as to what he wants. But I assure him anyway, that if he were to stop thinking about it and just pay attention to how he really feels about this woman, most of his questioning would cease. The answers would come and if they didn't, he wouldn't notice anyway because he'd either be (a) happy or, (b) aware enough to see the red flags. I understand long distance has it's own host of complications, but at the end of the day, we know what we want. Come on, you know it's true.

What I want, for the record: A man to not feel as though he as to question whether or not it's worth the effort to see me. Maybe that's a little bit much to ask, but no one around here has ever claimed to posses a great deal of restraint or flexibility when it comes to what they want. And what they know they deserve.

14 comments:

Sister Buckle said...

Right on the money again, woman!

I think if it doesn't feel right, then keep watching the space and don't even try and act. Questioning is painful and erk.

And as far as what you 'think' you want - I always used to say to my wonderful men I work with: "I could never have imagined any of you..."

That is to say, if I got to meet the guys I lazily 'thought up', I'd be bored as hell and surrounded by a bunch of 2D chumps.

justrun said...

SB- True, very true. There are just a few fundamental things with which I'm unwilling to give up. Interest certainly being one of those. :)

Dawn said...

Wow...and I thought women were the only relationship overanalyzers.

Danielle said...

That is quite interesting to hear this guy saying this...is he straight?? Just kidding of course, but I always feel that you just go with the flow and see what happens, if it works out, cool, and if not, hey, it wasn't meant to be. Depending on how long this has been going on, now might not even be time for the questions anyway.

Joe said...

I don't think that's a lot to ask for at all. In fact, I think it's absolute necessary that he DOESN'T question whether or not he wants to see you.

As for your friend, sometimes you just gotta dive in, you know? If you live life too cautiously and with trepidation, it's almost guaranteed that you'll never make the most out your time on earth. (wow, I really need to take that advice and apply it to MY life - heh)

Enjoy your day my friend!

e.b. said...

I agree - I think there should not be a debate. He should want to see her. And reverse - you want someone who WANTS to see you. No questions. They yearn and beg to.

Josh said...

If he's questioning it so much then perhaps it's not worth it.

Sizzle said...

if a guy had to think about whether it was worth the effort to see me- he's not that into me. next!

i'm not a fan of long distance relationships. i've only had bad experiences- i wish him the best!

justacoolcat said...

Long distance relationships never work. That's right I said never.

justrun said...

Dawn- I guess not.

Danielle- My thoughts, too. Why bother asking the questions before you've even given it a try.

Joe- We all need that advice sometimes.

e.b.- I knew I wasn't the only one.

Josh- That also crossed my mind, but you know we don't listen to those things if we're not ready, so I kept my mouth shut.

Sizzle- I certainly hope, for the sake of both of them, he makes up his mind.

JACC- Never? Why?

GirlGoyle said...

Over analizing is a sign of fear. Maybe you should have him read your diving post. Right or wrong the only way to really live is to grab life by the horns. I however can tell you that long distance relationships are very very hard. I did it for 10 years and it got me nowhere...well no it got me somewhere, just not where I expected to end up.

justacoolcat said...

JR - Funny you ask. I think it's because when people are in long distance relationships they are mostly in a relationship with themselves. Then when the two people get together they start finding out the person is the who they imagined them to be. I actually think LDR's are more detrimental to knowing someone than casual dating.

justrun said...

Ah, good points. I think in some cases, they can work. I think the key may be taking your time and having a plan, when things get more serious, to actually NOT be long distance. And I think that sort of commitment is rare.

skinnylittleblonde said...

With reference to his chronic questions...Nike made a fortune off of 3 words, JustDoIt, for a reason. Those words can keep us going only to discover, even conquer, life as opposed to just paying witness to it. Sometimes the questioning takes so much energy, we don't have enough left over to 'just do it.'