Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Anger Management

There are times when things happen that are completely out of your control and yet, you still take it personally. At first, it pisses you off or makes you angry or sad because that's a natural reaction. Then, you take some time with it and realize that it's not your fault, it's not the worst thing in the world and yes, life will go on.

Still, you can't completely chase away that pissed off feeling.

That's where I am today. Because when someone lies to you (yes, EVEN by omission) and then doesn't acknowledge the fact that they did it and expects things to carry on as usual, it's wrong. Especially when you've given them every opportunity to make it right. You've been open and honest with them and they can't return the favor. This is even more difficult when it happens at work and you have to see someone every day.

I know I shouldn't harbor the anger. I know I ought to let it go because a. it's not that important, and b. it has little impact on my life. But I don't care about that. It's still wrong. And me deciding in the end to not let the anger stick with me should not be an excuse to ignore the fact that you did something wrong. Yet, it is and my good spirit and attitude that you've turned into your free pass to be disrespectful and, simultaneously, bring down the morale of an entire group.* What you did was so screwed up and everyone agrees and yet, we have to put up with you.

This is the point where I need help.

Dearest readers, what is your best approach/technique/remedy for getting over anger? How do you let go of something that you know is not your fault, especially when you can get away from the person that angered you? Do you try to talk it out, just to make yourself feel better though you know it won't really matter? Or do you ignore them and the situation because you know it's not that important and will soon fade away and give light to even better fodder?**

* I realize this is a little gramatically messy here but I couldn't get this out without a little attacking of my attacker, who shall remain nameless, faceless and, no doubt, personalityless.

** I realize the issue here is a little vague. Okay, a lot. But I like my job and my life and I'd like to keep them both as they are. Just maybe less a certain moron.


jackt said...

I would be passively aggressively sabotaging said offender for YEARS. Gotta stick to principals. But really if it's not that big a deal I'm sure the steam'll blow off soon enough.

GirlGoyle said...

Why is the world so frequently spekled with assholes?? Difficult to give advice when not really aware of the details.Though if everyone agrees with you then I'd say you were on the safe side. I left the passive aggressive in the past. I don't hold back anymore. My reaction would depend on the type of relationship I have with this person. If we were close then I'd find a diplomatic way of telling them that their behavior was unacceptable. If we weren't close then I'd go with the ignoring unless they get in my way in which case I would not miss the opportunity to remind them of their mistake and what a moron they are. I know, I'm not very nice. Oh well I'll live and I'm in peace with the fact that when I die, I'm going to hell anyway so why hold back.

Runner Girl FL said...

I'm with gg if it is someone you don't care if you stay friendly with, a polite (didn't say nice) conversation of "I know what, you know, and now you know that I know don't let it happen again" may not hurt. Then....don't trust them again.

Good Luck

justacoolcat said...

I guess GG hit the nail on the head with this one. I'm sure jackt was being humorous, but in reality passive-aggressive behavior take almost as much energy as anger and can wear at you just as much.
If possible I always prefer swift direct justice and if not I'll try and let it go.

If it's a group dynamic relationship, then I like pack mentality of "shunned". It usually works pretty well. Sort of the "Clan of the Cave Bear" living ghost treatment.

As for what to do with the anger you're left holding, I wish I had an answer for that.