Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Too Much To Think About

Life is getting busy again. I can feel it... those stress free Saturdays have gone by the wayside. I look at the calendar and there's something every weekend, every evening. Races, training, weddings, fund-raisers, you name it, it's on the calendar. I don't even have time to think about where I should go until I'm there. I just need a little more time to sort it out.

- Work. It's so busy I finish one project and barely take a breath before I move on to the next.

- Grad school. Do I want to apply? If I do, I need to do it soon. Application deadline is June 1. I'm not ready for the GRE or GMAT at all but I could probably pull it off if I needed to. The thing is, I don't have time to even call and talk to anyone. Why doesn't admissions open at 5:30 a.m.?

- A friend of mine revealed to me over the weekend that if she's not married by the time she's 29 (that's next year) that she's going to look into artificial insemination. She's always wanted kids more than most people want air so I can understand why she's set this deadline but I really don't know what to think. There are so many things I want to ask her like how? and where? but all I can think is no friggin' way would I be willing to take on the responsibility of parenthood by myself. No way. I can't imagine.

- Training. My left knee is entertaining a slight injury. It hurts only from time to time but each time it's enough to freak me out and think "oh my God, I can't run. I'm going to get behind on training and then not be ready for what's coming and then get fat[ter] and slow[er] and oh my God." But, since it doesn't hurt all the time, I just keep going.

- I have another friend that I don't know how to get through to. Her life has come to the point that she's completely out of control. Her marriage. Her family. Her weight. Her attitude. And all I feel like I can do is stand by and watch. I've told her my concerns and that I'm worried about her and all she says is "I know, I know" but never anything more. She's not even willing to admit anything or accept any responsibility. I've never watched a train wreck about to happen but I feel like this is what's coming and someone's tied my hands and gagged me. There's nothing I can say or do to prevent it.

- The house. There are several things I need to do at the house. I have no idea when I'm going to have time to take care of it. If you know anyone in Colorado that can clean carpets, service a central air system, paint a wall, repair a gutter and reseal a window can you please send them my way? I can do pretty much all of that but I only seem to have 7 spare hours in the day and if I don't use them to sleep, then bad things will happen.

- I put on 10 lbs. since last season (race/running season). Yuck. I hate them. I've lost 2 of them so far but it's slow going. I hate that I can spend 6 months getting to where I want to be and in 2 months it can all go to crap. I know, it doesn't help that I eat pie but still, stupid calories. It's so frustrating.

- I want to take piano lessons SO badly. I priced keyboards the other day. Not bad.
But then I think, how am I going to fit that in with training for marathons, grad school, work and volunteering? Ack!

And the worst part is, I can't concentrate on any of it. All I think about is the next time I'll be able to take a break from it all and get away. (It's 5 weeks from now, in case you were wondering.)


Runner Girl FL said...

The only thing I can offer is do Grad school while you can. There is never enough time for it or all the other stuff. I also put too much on my plate and wonder how it got there but can't let a single ball drop. You will figure it out but you won't ever stop and "have time" for grad school so just do it. It is a very satisfying goal to finish. And the other balls in the air will figure themselves out. Somehow. :)

Good luck w/ the GRE. They added an essay(blech) since I had to take it. But took out the logic part which I did best on.

GirlGoyle said...

Oh my god woman!! I thought I had a plate full and my head was spinning. so I don't know if you want to take any advice from me but start with "breathe!"
1.work...you can't help it you just have to go with it. It will slow by summer. It usually does.
2.Grad school. Apply! Do it now or forever hold your peace. I just jumped into it because for me it was now..or never.
3.Your friend wants a baby...ok, her choice. A friend of mine had her tubes tied once she hit her 30s. I thought that was an insane decision. Apparently there are people out there that know what they want - not me. :)
4.Knee - sign of old age...old gal. Sorry...just had to throw that in there because I can. hahaha. Just train w/o killing yourself.
5.Your train wreck friend looking for a soulmate? I have a friend just like that but I'm tired of trying to pick up the pieces and have decided to wait and see what happens. If she survives I'll sustain what is left but I just can't allow her to bring me down any longer.
6. The house...you should've warned me of the ailments of being a home owner before I bought a house! I don't even know where to start. Guess you got lots of weekend projects or...bribe a friend with pizza/beer.
7. You training the pounds will just melt off. Summer usually helps with loss of weight. Don't stress over that. Pretty soon it seems like you won't have time for meals if you keep it up.
8. Piano lessons...wait until winter. Phew!

BTW - did you see the Boston Marathon last night? I don't understand how that tiny body of that Kenyan woman could carry her at that pace for that long. She must be bionic! She was awesome.

deepThoughts said...

JR: Half way through reading your post, I stopped and wondered "Could she be writing about me by any chance?" There is so much of the same stuff going on in my life too and I am barely surviving.

My key piece of advice would be for grad school as well - I think if you really want to do it, dive right into it. There is no way you will have time in future when you'll be able to do it. When you get in, it will make time for itself along with all the other things.

P.S. If it is any consolation, I also put on about 10lbs between last June and December and am struggling to get them off. Let's try and keep each other motivated to work them off!

justacoolcat said...

I know how you feel. I think it's spring, something about season transition brings everything to a head all at once. Just keep plugging away and the next thing you know, you'll look up and it'll be lazy summer.

justrun said...

Thanks, once again, everyone. You wouldn't believe how much your weighing in saves my sanity some days. It's just that little extra that I need to remind myself that I'm not crazy.

As for grad school, I'm getting on it. It will be a bit of a rush but I know it needs to happen. You're all right.

GG- Yes, I saw that. Those people amaze me! Bodies made for running, I tell you. So very different than mine.

CoolCat- That will be my purpose this summer- to find the lazy days.

Sizzle said...

if you don't eat pie or take piano, when you come to die, will you think to yourself, "i should have learned the piano" or "i should have eaten more pie, calories be damned." cuz sometimes living isn't easy to fit into life, you know what i mean?

:) sizz

Bre said...

a lot of these battles are similar to ones I'm currently fighting... I don't know how much it helps, but at least know you aren't alone.

Spring is the time for stress - we all of the sudden are in this big huge rush and it sucks... take time and allow yourself the things that genuinely make you happy. Take things as they come and for once, ignore the big picture.