Snow Will Make You Think

It's late March; flowers want to bloom, birds want to sing, the sun wants to shine. But you're in Colorado, so get your rear out there and clear the snow. The infamous "Last Big One" is upon us.

While out, I got some good thinkin' in:

1. I've been trying to figure out the best way to walk into the office in the morning and say "Sup, beeeyotches?" without looking like a disrespectful moron. Since I don't normally use this phrase any other time, this is especially challenging.

2. I need to break my current addiction to peanut butter cookies. Though they are the most protein-packed cookie, they are also manufactured by the devil, packaged in lard hell and brought to me in bulk by cute little girls in green who tilt their head and smile and say, "It's only tree dollars." Yes, tree, not three- it's more manipulative that way.
On second thought, the green girls may be the devil, too.

3. I need new running shoes but I don't want to go back to my favorite running store because the new guy there always looks at me like he's my stalker and he doesn't want to reveal himself just yet.

4. My neighbor's dog came over and peed all over the sidewalk today. Now the snow on the edge of the sidewalk leading to my door is all bright yellow. I was going to be mad but I've now decided that it might look like a landing strip and maybe the Mother Ship will show up tonight. No, I really don't believe in "Mother Ships." Pirate ships though, I definitely believe in those!

5. Yesterday, a guy wearing shoes like this asked me where the closest Eddie Bauer store was. I haven't been to Eddie Bauer in a while but I'm pretty sure they haven't started stocking those sneaks!