Wednesday, February 15, 2006

For a While

We could have made it. We could have worked around schedules, personalities and goals.

We could have spent time traveling separately, grocery shopping together and leading independent, yet codependent, lives. And it would have worked, for a while.

For a while I could have looked at him lovingly, admired his accomplishments and felt his arms around me. For a while he could have been my cheerleader, my date, and my friend. He would have cooked, I would have cleaned. He and I could have been 'we', for a while.

The while never came. I never saw it's face or heard a knock at the door. Or, more than likely, I did see and hear it but I knew I shouldn't answer. I knew in my heart that it had the wrong door, the wrong people.

So, for a while we were friends. We spent time, money and conversation. But never anything more. Sometimes, it sucked. I wanted/needed something to the point that I wanted to invite it in, even if just for a while. There were days when all I saw was the good, the right. But those days never stayed long enough to deny the wrong and eventually, I had to let it go. True, we each had an empty space but his was not my size, nor was mine his.

It took a while for me to realize but if something's not right, it's just not right. Even for a while.


deepThoughts said...

I am a believer of "whatever happens, happens for the best" - although sometimes it is hard to see. Sometimes, it is just not worth it to do all the compromising and adjusting, but when it is, trust me, you'll know. Good luck.

JustRun said...

Sometimes it's nearly impossible to see. But I, too, am a believer. :-)