I Have a Theory

"I have a theory about you," he says.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, you're afraid."

"I am?"

"Yes. You're afraid that if you gave us a chance, you'd like it."

"US?" I ask.

"Yeah, otherwise, you wouldn't be so nice to me and continue to hang around me."

"Or," I contend, "we've been friends for years and I like to keep my friends."


And so it went on. Him trying to convince me and me trying to convince him.

Why is it so complicated? Why can't he see what I'm telling him? Shouldn't the number one thing you look for in someone you want is that they want to be with you, too? I never thought men were like this. I never thought they obsessed about someone to the point where they had actually convinced themselves it was only a matter of time. I thought this was a process reserved for the more feminine of the species. In fact, I'm guilty of it myself. Just not in this case.

"Sounds to me like you just need to get out there," I tell him.

"Get out where?"

"Into the dating world."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

Ok, time to be blunt. "Look, you had a girlfriend on and off for two years. You came to hate that relationship and each other. You were single for a year, defying anyone that said you should date. Now, you're finally ready to date and the first friend you stumble on becomes your target? You need to get out there."

"But why would I get out there when what I want is right here?"

"Because it's not right here," I say. And I turned to leave, only stopping to pet the dog because if things continue like this, it's unlikely I'll ever be back.

My conclusion: My original theories on men and women need some work.